I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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