3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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