new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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