i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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