Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The air was thick with penises
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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