My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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