i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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