remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
