Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
im holly from the hills drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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