Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
