I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
