The maid of honor just puked.
Me too!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
