Princesses don't give blow jobs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
