Someone shit on the floor
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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