How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nicole vs. Life
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
