Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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