you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
