Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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