I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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