I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
