Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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