She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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