Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
