I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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