So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
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I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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