I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
