Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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