Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize