Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
