Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
