The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
