Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i drank out of a bidet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
