I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
