So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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