My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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