She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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