Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
