No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
