We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
