I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
