What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
