"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
