And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
