i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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