I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
