Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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