Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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