so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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