all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
