I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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