you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
