You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
