Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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