i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
