I think my vagina is haunted
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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