I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
last night I used snow as a chaser
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
