I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
