girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
