Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
