moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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