it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
