i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
