He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
