We won't sleep together?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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