Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
