dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
