where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
