Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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