Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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