I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
