if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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