i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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