you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
