My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
