Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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