Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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