I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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