I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
