I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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