Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
